Purpose

Navigating the Mid-20s Slump

Hello all and Happy Tuesday.

This will be a bit of a different type of post than I’ve done in the past. But, it’s inspired by many conversations I’ve had with you all, and I’ll directly reference one (with permission of course).

One thing I find interesting is the amount of you that have experienced the ‘mid-20s slump’. I don’t know if it’s actually a slump - or just a weird point in life. Others may call it the quarter life crisis. So let me paint a picture:

• We go through high school - and often have a direct purpose from our surroundings - could be to escape that life, or sports, or to get into a good college, or to do anything. But more often than not we enter into an arrangement that is shaped by our upbringing and surroundings. Regardless, little thought is given to ‘why’ and much more to ‘what’ are we doing.

• We go though college (or whatever you did from 18-22) - in school, again little thought is given to why, it’s the what - which could be you joined a frat, did ROTC, went to West Point or military academy, played a sport, partied, cared about grades, were in a club, etc. Again, there is purpose that is more often derived from our surroundings, not our own free will.

• You start on your own - no longer supported by your parents, your college stipend, whatever. This may occur at 18 or 22. Regardless, now you’ve got to WORK. So again, little thought is given to why you’re doing something - now is the time to learn and actually start your life.

• After this, now you’ve been on your own for 1-5 years. Maybe it gets repetitive, you’re not making the progress you’re expecting, or even you’ve hit great success and you’re on a great path. Regardless, this is when the questions come in. This is also the stage that you all ask me questions (lol). Keep in my I’m barely 28 years old. But I’ve certainly navigated this myself, watched friends and family go through it, and now watched you all go through it. As a result I’ve picked up a few things I’d like to share here.

If it isn’t clear, the time we actually question why we’re doing whatever it is we’re doing doesn’t even happen until we’re around 23-26 years old. This makes sense logically. We basically spent our whole lives with an artificial purpose or were so wrapped up in doing things (whatever they are) we never bothered to wonder why.

Some of us are lucky to be in places we find a combination of meaning, income, and education that make us want to keep doing that thing. Others hit a period of questioning what we’re doing and have to make a decision.

Of course sometimes the best decision is none at all. Let it rest. Continue to work hard, train, and learn.

And I’m no career counselor. Rather, I want to bring this back to the conversation I had in an instagram DM at 10am on a Friday.

So, someone we’ll call JK comes to me with an absolute BOOK of a question. I’ll distinguish him from me with block quotes. Comments I’ve added to the actual discussion will be italicized that help add context.

RK:

I have a philosophical question if you'll entertain it.

So l've lived my life on both extremes of the health scale. I used to be a hyper fixated athlete doing half Ironmans, high level swim competitions, etc and working out for over 15-20 hours a week. I've also lived more hedonistic lifestyles, sometimes balanced sometimes not.

If the ultimate goal of life is happiness (and I'm curious what your take on that is too), how does one strike the balance between maintaining physical health and still doing things for fun that might be damaging to it?

I'm currently pretty invested in the raving scene so maybe 2-3 times a month l'll go to a festival or show and partake in things that are definitely damaging my physical health. But the experiences I have at these events honestly surpasses how I felt finishing my first half Ironman, even if they're objectively damaging in the long run. I also work out 4-5 times a week to try and minimize the impact of my hobby.

You live a significantly more straight edge lifestyle than me so Im very curious what your view on that balance and what it should look like is. I know you've touched on it in your substack but I wanted to reach out and see what motivates you to maintain a balance so excellently skewed towards physical health. I also wanted to ask if you ever feel like you're not missing out on once in a lifetime experiences that can only be experienced with psychedelics or things of that nature.

Matt:

My first response didn’t even address the question. I asked:

How old are you

This will help frame the discussion bc I could write a book on what you just prompted me with

RK:

Early 20’s

Matt:

Of course he’s early 20’s. There’s a VERY big difference between doing these things then vs doing them in your 30s.

Yea bro you're just figuring it out. A lot changes in your 20s

We should first address where you said:

"If the ultimate goal of life is happiness"

Be you asked me I will give you a straightforward and honest answer. This is what I know to be true, and don't expect you to agree with everything.

Life is not about happiness. Life is about pain, suffering, reward from struggle, pursuit of meaningful goals, and relationships (in love, in friendship, and with God).

I can dispute your statement from many angles:

1. Modern Philosophy: Emphasizes meaning, responsibility, and facing challenges over mere happiness.

2. Literature: Highlights the importance of suffering, sacrifice, and moral dilemmas in finding purpose.

3. Religion (mainly Christianity): Advocates for fulfilling God's will, serving others, and living according to Christian values.

And

4. my own experience. I think life is a serious endeavor. I have never once felt good the day after a rager. Getting blitzed, taking a girl home, the next feel like shit (both physically and in my core). I don't aim to feel "happy" I aim to feel centered, in control, and calm.

These are VERY different things. A byproduct of what I do often results in happiness. There is no way to describe the feeling of crushing a week of training, work, managing acid gambit, topping it off with a perfectly planned date that ends back at her place and head home in the morning. At some points I'm happy. Others I'm screaming, in pain, banging my head against the wall, smiling, etc. but when I look back i am fulfilled with what I did - that is JOY.

And that is different than being happy.

Philippians 4:4. Rejoice. The joy that Paul calls for is not a happiness that depends on circumstances but a deep contentment that is in the Lord, based on trust in the sovereign, living God, and that therefore is available always, even in difficult times.

Everywhere you look people are STRIVING to be happy when it's the complete wrong way to go about things.

It's so obvious. But it's like treating the symptom not the root cause. If you had chronic acne would you just put some ointment on it? Or go to a specialist to find out what hormonal changes are causing it?

In the same sense, a rave may make you happy. But it is FLEETING. You have to keep doing it. You get conditioned and need more and more to have the same feeling.

The only thing that matters is finding and pursing purpose in all aspects. Why do I need to be fit? It's not bc l'm

"straightedge". We have a moral responsibility to be in the best shape possible to protect those around us.

That fitness makes me sharper, better at work, more creative, and allows for nights out where I eat and drink whatever I want

Another one: at the 1963 National Prayer Breakfast, JFK quoted Reverend Phillips Brooks: "Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men! Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks."

RK:

I completely agree with this; you can't have the good without the bad in, well, anything.

This is some very thought provoking stuff, thank you for sharing. Gonna be rereading this a couple of times.

With regards to the happiness from raves being fleeting, doesn't that same thing apply to fitness? Any physical progress starts to decay after a couple days of being sedentary. Same way my love for the scene fades if I don't go to any shows for a while. Then once I hit the gym (or a show) again, the love for either is reinvigorated

And I do take genuine joy from attending festivals with my closest friends and having once in a lifetime experiences that l'll cherish for the rest of my life. Same way I took genuine joy in placing well in the triathlons l've done, or making it to state champs for swimming.

Spirituality has always been the one thing I've struggled with the most, and hearing you describe it makes me want to take another look at my stance towards it because make excellent

Points regarding it.

(In reference to point 4) I guess that's my main thing, is I've BEEN locked in for months if not years in the past and... I genuinely can't say if I was happier then or now (with a much more... indulgent lifestyle). I feel as though I had more balance back then, and now the lows are lower but the highs do feel much higher.

Thank you for giving me some excellent food for thought, i needed this.

Matt:

1. where did I say I derive happiness from exercise? Obviously I enjoy it, but the reason I do it is for its impact on my life, not the short lived endorphin rush (although it's a great benefit)

2. for the reason you described I think that's great. You're young and you should enjoy doing cool things with your friends. It becomes problematic when you're in your 30s and your only escape is drugs + parties. By that age you should have responsibility, ownership, control over your life and if you choose to go on an adventure it's supplementary to your purpose, a fun event but not your sole source of enjoyment.

RK:

Well my personal definition of joy is long term happiness/satisfaction, so when you say you derive joy from consistently crushing your fitness goals and making progress, l equate that to deriving happiness from exercise. I think your definition of joy has a heavier implication on purpose while mine factors in the endorphin rush moments more. I get where you're coming from though and l'd argue your definition is more sustainable and beneficial in the long run. I might need to rewrite mine...

(In reference to point 2) That's very true, l've already seen multiple friends succumb to the extremely slippery slopes of addiction in this scene.

Thank you for taking my age into account in this discussion, you're helping me shape longer term goals because everything you're saying is right. A lot of my friends in the scene are older than me (in their 30s) and as much as I love them, I do not want to be in their position when I hit that age milestone

Matt:

That's a really great way to break out our two differing views on joy. Mine is definitely influenced by a Christian upbringing. Consistently taught to have joy in faith, the Lord, and our work

Of course re-writing might be easier said than done! Lmao

Bottom line, all I would recommend is enjoy your time now, aim to build deep connections, and set a path for success over the next 10 years (that also allows for having the experiences you're currently having). I've founding have a 10 year roadmap is nice while not always sticking to it completely.

Saw this tweet that also relates. It's very simple and I try not to over complicate it:

RK:

Our conversation and this specifically is some of the best advice l've ever received, I see why you could write a book on this.

(In reference to tweet) This is beautiful, saving this to send it to my friends who are struggling with this right now.

And that was pretty much the end. I asked if I could share and anonymized his info. But I would not be surprised if many of you feel this way. Obviously not exactly the same, but trying to find a balance between things you enjoy and what you think you should be doing.

The main takeaway being: if you’re young you should enjoy your time. Obviously work hard, be fit, and learn as much as you can. But after that there is no reason to stress having adventures.

And the last note: I am no mentor and I don’t care if you liked this or not. I found it to be worth sharing and love having conversations like this.

I think it’s hilarious that he thought I was (am) straight-edge. Maybe I am. I just do what I want to do. I was never attracted to the festival/drug scene. Regardless, it’s almost a certainty all of us will go through a period in our early to mid 20s where we have questions similar to RK. The funny thing is no matter how much you think or try to plan it out, you will have to navigate it as time passes. As I’ve said before (MANY times) don’t let your 20s slip by wasting the peak time to build a base of physical strength and endurance. But ultimately that does not take that much time, and shouldn’t take away from the experiences you want to have.

Just don’t suck and be an athlete. END.

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DISCLAIMER

This is not Legal, Medical, or Financial advice. Please consult a medical professional before starting any workout program, diet plan, or supplement protocol.